you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
