You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
