on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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