Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
