Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
