I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
