I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
