she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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