just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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