Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
