I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
