: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
