I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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