Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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