bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
