and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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