im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
