You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You are a genius and a whore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
