my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
