Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
