I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
