theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
