I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
