I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
