I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
