Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
