My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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