Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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