Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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