i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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