these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
