But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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