it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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