Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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