I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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