I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
