is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
