I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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