Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
