I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
