Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
