I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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