I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I did not marry a roomba.
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