Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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