A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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