you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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