My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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