dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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