I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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