New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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