6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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