She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
