put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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