I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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